Monthly Archives: October 2012

Day 0: I’ve Been Avoiding You……

Well, I guess it’s time to come clean folks…..I only made it to day 3 of this meditation 😦 I’m feeling some huge resistance to this practice, and even though I know that means I should probably push through it and keep going, I let myself quit. At first I thought it was the length of the practice that was causing me grief, but even after giving myself permission to practice for a shorter period of time, I still got the “I don’t wannas” every time I thought about sitting this meditation. I know it’s my ego resisting change, but in the en I decided to let it go and try again soon. Mean time I’m dealing with a sprained ankle and the return of the non-napping toddler, so I’m kind of glad I let this one go for now. I haven’t even been able to bring myself to read the daily e-mails since I know they’ll tell me exactly what I need to hear to keep up with this practice :S I am saving them though, so I have something to look forward to when I start again. I promise not to wait too long, and I promise I’ll keep you posted on my progress…..Thanks for keeping me honest 🙂

Day 2: Less Optimistic

Hoo boy, I think this one’s going to be a struggle.  It’s a very good thing that I decided to write about this practice or I would have already quit :S I am feeling huge resistance to this practice for some reason. I think part of it is the length. 31 minutes is a significant chunk of time for me right now. T doesn’t nap consistently, and when he does nap it’s not always long enough to get caught up on the mountain of things that are easier to do without a toddler running around. He generally goes to bed about 8 pm and since I like to get to bed about 10, that doesn’t leave a whole lot of “me time”, especially since he frequently wakes at least once between 8 and 10 and sometimes takes 30 minutes to go back down. I know, I know, I should be viewing this practice as the best part of “me time”, but there’s this reluctance to sit this meditation coming from somewhere.  Perhaps it’s my deeply ingrained desire to procrastinate and put off doing all the wonderful things I know are good for me. Maybe it’s that darn ego resisting change again. For whatever reason, I just don’t wanna!!  But, thanks to the knowledge that there are at least a few people reading these posts (or at least a few people who might notice if they suddenly stopped), I sat down last night and practiced anyway. Granted, I still didn’t make it for the full 31 minutes, but I did sit, and I chanted, and I held the mudra for a full 20 minutes before I started getting squirmy and impatient. I eventually gave in to the desire to get up and check the time and when I saw I was only at 22 minutes I decided to call it quits for the night :S Part of me knows that this is precisely the time that I should push through my barriers and keep up, but another part of me realizes that sometimes I also need to give myself permission to let go. My overall experience last night was actually quite lovely. I was able to breathe through sensations as they arose and maintain my posture. I resisted the urge to swipe my nose, and scratch every little itch and tingle. I took a moment to evaluate if that sensation in my shoulder was truly pain that needed to be honoured or simply strong sensation that could be examined and for those 20 minutes felt a calm connection to my body that I haven’t felt a lot lately.  Somewhere around 17 minutes or so I felt a beautiful warmth radiating through my whole body. This was the point where I began to lose that connection. I let myself get distracted by the sensations arising from the meditation which brought me firmly back to earth where I started to notice that yes, my foot is falling asleep after all, and my nose is itchy and my eyes are tingly from focusing on the tip of my nose, and what time is it? It must be almost finished. I’m sure this is way farther than I got yesterday……….Yeesh! You may recall that in the final post about my previous practice I wrote about being more “irritable”. While I was definitely just more cranky in general, what I really meant was this type of mental irritation, manifesting in physical sensations during meditation that I just couldn’t (wouldn’t) breath through. I scratched every itch, squirmed and wiggled, slumped and slouched, and just generally got in my own way.  In the spirit of quality over quantity I’ve decided to give myself permission to practice for shorter periods to start and work my way up to the full 31 minutes. Sometimes just knowing that there is a little leeway is enough to keep me going, so even though my little monkey mind has been chattering away at me since I woke up this morning about how I don’t feel like meditating today, I will sit down to practice tonight for at least 11 minutes and take it from there.

Day 1: Cautious Optimism

Wow! I love this mantra, this mudra, and this meditation 😀 Ashana’s music is such a beautiful background for this very powerful meditation.  I’m really looking forward to the next 40 days, though I can already see some challenges arising. First of all, at 31 minutes, this is a slightly longer meditation than I’ve practiced in the past. I actually only made it through 20 minutes last night before T woke up. Of course, if I hadn’t been procrastinating and scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed I would have had just enough time to complete the meditation. Secondly, 31 minutes is a long time to hold the mudra associated with this meditation. it’s not a particularly challenging or complicated mudra, but holding any position for 31 minutes can get uncomfortable. One of my favourite parts of last night’s practice was when I tried to sneak a peek at the screen to see if I could see how much time had passed and “Keep up” was written across the screen large enough for me to see from my place on the floor. As Yogi Bajhan says:”Keep up and you will be kept up” 😉 Perhaps this discomfort will help with my resolve to stick with my asana practice……

For those of you interested in joining me on the path, it’s never too late to start! Here’s a link to the instructional video, as well as the practical video you can use to practice each day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkUiUs0_BSQ ; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap0gbqJ3fYA&feature=relmfu

Even if you don’t plan to practice this meditation, the instructional video gives a great explanation of what it is I’ll be doing for the next 40 days 😉

 

It’s That Time Again

Time for another 40 day Global Sadhana! As always, the universe has provided the prefect practice at the perfect time: The Illuminated Path http://www.spiritvoyage.com/globalsadhana/theilluminatedpath Some of you may remember that as a little treat for completing the last sadhana I attended a special Kundalini yoga class led my the beautiful Jai Jagdeesh. One of the intentions circling around in my brain at the beginning of class was to find “my path”. I centered on finding direction and leaving fear behind. I’ve been waffling on starting my next practice, partly because I knew there would be another Global Sadhana coming up, but mostly because I’ve been loathe to give up my little bit of a sleep in that I get in the morning to begin an asana practice and somehow that led to not practicing at all :S. Well, no sense worrying about what I haven’t been doing right? The Global Sadhana begins on Friday and I’m looking forward to another interesting experience. I’ve been feeling that something is about to shift for the past couple of weeks, but each time I try to put my finger on what that something may e, it eludes me. Here’s hoping that this practice will help clear my head and my heart and get my butt in gear for some positive change! In the mean time I’ve been enjoying all of the lovely ideas that have been popping up, like making my own skin care products, baking more, and watering my plants 😉 None of these seem like the shift that my spirit has in mind, but they can’t hurt!